I have pretty mixed feelings and emotions about this trip, but as Sheryl Sanberg of Lean In says: “don’t leave before you leave.” This is a great opportunity for me on a career level and also a great opportunity for Husband S to have some more “bonding” time with Baby O.

Before I left I wrote a “handover guide” on things Husband S needs to do for Baby O. It was written with some jest, but there are also some things on there I know he will have to refer to.

Despite both my husband and I working, we do not split “home-life” responsibilities 50/50.

I think that working couples inevitably struggle to split 50/50 while the focus and expectation is on the mum to run the household. As you know I  am based in the UAE where women get 45 working days maternity leave. That’s about six weeks. I then took annual leave and returned to work full-time after ten weeks.

The way maternity leave is structured – whereby the woman has the leave – means that women take on more parental responsibilities for the baby. I breast-fed O which meant the night feeds tended to be a me only responsibility – sadly. When I went back to work, Husband S did two night feeds with an expressed bottle. TWO. He was so tired and grumpy that I decided to just carry on doing them myself.

Does that mean that women are more nurturing and do these things without questioning or complaining? Or perhaps we just need less sleep?!

Luckily Baby O started sleeping through the nights at about 12 weeks, so was never really an issue or affected my work.

I am sitting here already missing Baby O (and the husband too of course), but there is a part of me that is excited about just looking after me for the next four days. I’m also smiling at Husband S leaning in and taking on more responsibilities for the baby. He is an absolutely wonderful dad, but I’m sure he doesn’t realise all of the day-to-day responsibilities.

I’m also already looking forward to returning from my trip. Seeing my little family again and leaving some of the responsibilities of Baby O with the husband. I’m hoping this trip will see Husband S forced to lean in some more and bring our responsibilities to 50/50.

I’ll keep you posted on my return!

“… sharing financial and child-care responsibilities leads to less guilty moms, more involved dads and thriving children.”
Sharon Meers and Joanna Strober
Getting to 50/50: How Working Couples Can Have It All By Sharing It All

PS – I am now in my hotel room about to publish this and have already had a text from Husband S about what food to feed the baby!

I was put off by the name of the book- but a great friend of mine insisted I read it.

Now, I know this isn’t what you want to read from a book review, but I still can’t make my mind up about it.

I love love LOVE books written by empowered and strong women who are not afraid to speak their minds. Obviously Caitlin qualifies in this regards. Some parts of the book were brilliant and really made me stop in my tracks and think. Other parts were just disappointing.

The book isn’t really about how to be a woman. It’s a story about Caitlin’s experiences growing up (it starts from when she is 13 years old). It’s frank, honest and direct. She gets straight to the point in every chapter – from abortion to bikini waxing.

She has a great way of explaining feminism:

“Put your hand in your pants.

a) Do you have a vagina? and
b) Do you want to be in charge of it?

If you said ‘yes’ to both, then congratulations! You’re a feminist.”

That statement was probably the best part of the book for me. Oh apart from:

“When a woman says, ‘I have nothing to wear!’, what she really means is, ‘There’s nothing here for who I’m supposed to be today.”

As I said, I enjoyed parts of the book, but other parts I wanted to hurry up and just get to the end of the chapter. It didn’t tell me anything new. The only thing I really learnt is that Caitlin is very anti bikini waxing – and that’s not something I particularly want to ponder over or need to know.

Despite my ambiguity to the book, I would recommend reading it. It’s one of those books you’ll only read once. But there are a few paragraphs in each chapter that might just change the way you think.

“What is feminism? Simply the belief that women should be as free as men, however nuts, dim, deluded, badly dressed, fat, receding, lazy and smug they might be. Are you a feminist? Hahaha. Of course you are.”

Baby O fell off the bed.
I didn’t ever think I would be one of “those mums.” I am more ashamed of my pre-judgement compared to what actually happened. I was kidding myself that I would never let something like that happen on my watch. But I am in fact one of “those mums.” Just a normal mum, multi-tasking and trying to do more than one thing at a time.

I could hide that he fell off the bed. Not tell anyone. But I am open and happy to “confess” what happened.

It’s the classic story. I turned my back and crash. Off he fell.

When something like this happens, the fear and pain you feel as a parent is indescribable. The regret you feel for not paying more attention is all-consuming. And the guilt. Oh the guilt is unbelievable. This happened on a working day. I drove to work with tears in my eyes.

Of course he was ok. He’s a seven month old exploring how to get around and after a few tears and cuddles from me he was back to his smiley self.

I still felt terrible all day at work. The smallest issues felt huge and I couldn’t wait to get home.

I jumped off a crane.
A few days later I took a much higher fall.

A number of colleagues were taking part in a charity bungee at work. I was organising and somehow succumbed to my adrenaline and the peer pressure.

It was pretty awful. I’m not great with heights, so I certainly wouldn’t recommend looking down when going up in the crane cage.

I honestly didn’t think I could do it. Near the top I convinced myself I really couldn’t do it. I managed to somehow block out all the fear and breath deeply.

The music was stopped and there was a countdown from the spectators below…

Five, four, three, two, one…. BUNGEEEEE

I jumped. And as I soared I was everything.

• More than just a mum.
• More than just a wife.
• More than just a cook.
• More than just a person at work.
• More than a daughter or a sister.
• More than a blogger.
• More than “that mum.”
• More than a thirty something year old in a daily routine.
• More than all my responsibilities.

I was brave and daring. I was stupid. I was light. I was free. I was petrified.

I found a little bit of the old me. That girl who used to be so much braver than I am today.

Would I do it again? No way.
Am I pleased I did it? Absolutely.

I think stepping out of (or jumping out of) your comfort zone is a must. I used to be fearless. I used to speak without filters. I used to try lots of new things. I had lost touch with that part of me.

I think that one simple but terrifying jump has helped me find that gutsy me again and I’m happy about that.

I also think that Baby O’s fall has somehow helped me too. I was desperately trying to be what I thought was the perfect parent. I’m not saying I want him to fall off the bed again. But what I do mean is something happened to him that was out of my control and we managed and we are all ok. I did feel guilty and it was horrible going to work and leaving him after it had happened, but I feel that I have now tested myself for future challenges and emotional wrenches.

So here’s to jumping off of cranes and falling off of beds – ok maybe not the baby and bed part!

Soar.

Many people have different opinions and ideas about her time as Britain’s Prime Minister for the Conservative party.

Whatever your opinion on her decisions, surely you agree that she absolutely SMASHED down barriers for women. She showed the world what a formidable, courageous and brave woman can achieve.

What is interesting is that she never made her role about being a women. “The battle for women’s rights has largely been won,” she once said. “I hate those strident tones we hear from some women’s libbers.”

She did however embrace that she was a women. She didn’t try to be a man in a man’s world which, especially in her time, was typical characteristics of a business woman. What she really did for women was put her all into her role and do it well.

Apparently women now “act as” Margaret Thatcher and try to emulate some of her business traits to get ahead in the workplace. It is even suggested that Hilary Clinton modelled herself on Thatcher when she ran for President.

The Guardian said she was “the most dominant British prime minister since Winston Churchill in 1940 and a global champion of the late 20th century free market economic revival.”

I agree and I truly believe that there will never be another figure like her in British politics.

Remember: when she won her seat she won by a LAND SLIDE.

• She took on the role to lead a country that was being governed by greedy and corrupt trade unions and turned it around
• She cleaned up the streets and didn’t tolerate strikers who were holding Britain to ransom
• She re-built the economy and reduced National debt
• She led us during the Falklands War
• She allowed people (like my late Nan) to buy their council houses
• She took action and raised awareness about HIV and AIDS
• She championed her own career

No one can deny she had intelligence, influence and was gutsy.  She was  a transformative and vital leader of the time.

Don’t just take my word for it, here’s what other people have to say:

“As a grocer’s daughter who rose to become Britain’s first female prime minister, she stands as an example to our daughters that there is no glass ceiling that can’t be shattered.”
President Obama

“Her legacy will be the fact she served her country so well, she saved our country and that she showed immense courage in doing so. And people will be learning about what she did and her achievements in decades, probably for centuries to come.”
David Cameron, British Prime Minister

“When Margaret Thatcher came to power, the UK was known as the “sick man of Europe”; our country’s future was in the balance. Through her leadership and personal conviction she restored our confidence, self-belief and entrepreneurial spirit.”
Virginia Bottomley, Conservative Party (1984 to 2005)

“Margaret Thatcher was a pioneer, willingly or unwillingly, for the role of women in politics. It is hard to imagine a part of our current history that has not been affected by measures she put forward in the UK at the end of the 20th Century.”
Meryl Streep, actress and star of The Iron Lady

“Margaret Thatcher freed millions of people to buy their own homes and buy shares in British companies. She ended the defeatism and pessimism of the post-war period and unleashed a spirit of enterprise.”
Boris Johnson, Conservative Mayor of London

“Like so many others, I respected the conviction and self-determination she displayed throughout her remarkable life as she broke barriers, defied expectations, and led her country.”
Bill Clinton, Former Us President

I apologise now if any of my female colleagues who attended the session are reading this and do not agree with my review.

I have never been one to hide my opinions, and hey, it’s my blog, so I’m certainly going to express myself!

Now I am a huge fan of women leaders and speakers. When I was living in Dubai I would regularly go to the Heels and Deals networking events – I have listened to some fantastic speakers, and even our company Mingle club has had some brilliant speakers in the past, including coaches from Authenticity.

This speaker however, did nothing for me.

I really don’t want to give her too much of a bashing, as I’m sure she had good intentions, but these are the messages that unfortunately have stuck with me.

Men stop women getting to the top
I challenged her when she said this with the suggestion that it is actually women that stop other women getting to the top. By still blaming men we’re giving the F word (feminism in case you didn’t get it) a bad name.

In my experience, if you work hard then men accept your career progression. What I have however noticed is that women do not!

You’re too young to make changes
A member of the group asked a question in relation to all the ideas and dreams she has. The guest speaker asked her age to which the questioner replied 25 years old.

The guest speaker then told her to wait until she was older before trying to realise her dreams and ambitions or make any life changes and that she was too young to do so now.

I know people who have travelled the world, raised a family and set up their own successful businesses by this age. Who is anyone to say park your dreams or don’t make any changes until you’re old enough. When is “old enough?”

I don’t believe in equality
Here the guest speaker referenced that there are still typical gender roles and that she agrees with them. To quote: “I don’t believe that women should drive tractors and men should look after children.”

At this point I just wanted to bang my head against the table. I actually tweeted her this photo of my niece on her third birthday last Wednesday with the message… who said women shouldn’t drive tractors

I am the only woman I know who truly accepts my children for who and what they are
Oh get over yourself.

I don’t care what you say, no man wants his wife to be more successful or earn more money than he does
Seriously. What year are we in?

I know Husband S won’t mind me saying this, as he supports me and is proud of me – but I earn more money than he does. He doesn’t have male ego issues. We are a partnership. All of our money goes into one pot. If he didn’t support me 100 per cent in the career choices I have made, our family wouldn’t be able to function!

I know this blog sounds so critical, and she did have some other positive messages, but I just can’t remember them right now.

I am so disappointed that she had a captive audience of 30 ladies who appeared to take her “inspirational talk” so literally. They seemed thrilled by it.

From my perspective she is ten years behind what feminism, fairness and equality is. It’s not about men being against us, or stereotypical job roles. It’s not about what age you are, or who earns more money in your marriage. It’s about choice – and every human being on the planet having the opportunity to make their own choice.

I’m going to suggest (because blogging about this has fired me up again!) that she’s really isn’t supporting women. In fact, her opinionated, behind the times, brash statements are knocking women back a step or two.

If you’re reading this Mrs Inspirational Speaker, I’m not going to apologise for this blog and my views. As a human (not a woman – this has no relevance to gender) I have the choice to express my opinion.

PS – she didn’t ever reply to my tweet!

• It’s not about burning bras.
• It’s not about lesbians.
• It’s not about hating men.
• It’s not about hating pretty women.
• It’s not only for women. Men can be feminists too.

There are loads of complicated and over worded definitions about feminism. Google it and you will come up with thousands of definitions, articles and blogs.

But it’s not a radical notion that needs huge explanation.

In simple terms:

• It is about everyone having the same choices.
• It is about being free as a human.
• It is about having control over yourself.

It really isn’t rocket science.

• We are all human.
• We all have the right to say yes or no.
• We all have the right to say what we think.
• We all have the right to have control over ourselves.

I appreciate that the country I was born in and the upbringing I have had means that I am an independent and driven woman who has taken full advantage of the freedom of modern Western society.

But it’s 2013 and we’re still not quite there yet.

Do you believe that:

• No woman should have to put up with rape or abuse?
• Women have the right to say no?
• Women are entitled to the same pay as men?
• Women are entitled to climb the corporate ladder?
• Women should have the same choices as men?
• Women can legally drive a car?
• Women should have access to and the choice for safe abortions?
• Women should be respected.
• Women are equal to men?

I do too.

I have been pregnant twice, but only have one baby.

I was reading a blog the other day that referred to ectopic pregnancies as being taboo. After suffering from an ectopic in 2011 I was horrified that it was classed as a taboo subject. I then thought about it and realised that when I have spoken in the past about my experience I either skirt around the details or explain with jovial undertones.

I have now set myself the challenge to share what happened and how it left me feeling.

In July 2011 I came down with what the doctor prescribed as an infection of the intestine.
I couldn’t even sit down as the pain was so bad. I had to kind of lay on the side!

My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant, but the tests had shown negative so I didn’t even think that the pain was connected to me miscarrying and having a tubal pregnancy.

After eight days of horrific bleeding and immense pain (and a lot of googling) I took another pregnancy test and it came up positive.

That was the most surreal feeling ever. I was excited that it was positive and tried to block out what was actually happening. That I was having a miscarriage.

We went straight to Al Wasl Hospital (now Latifa Hospital) in Dubai.

I had an ultrasound but they couldn’t find anything. The pregnancy test they did showed positive – but very weak – which meant I was definitely miscarrying. The doctor sent me away as I wasn’t complaining of too much pain by this point. I was to go home and rest and come back in 24 hours for another test.

24 hours later I was back. This time I met a different doctor who listened to all my symptoms that I had been experiencing.

• Blood clots
• Excruciating pain to the right – like I was being stabbed
• Shooting pains up my bum!
• Nausea

She booked me straight in for an internal ultra sound.

As I was laying on the bed having quite an uncomfortable examination the doctor kept asking if I had ever had surgery of the stomach or that area. I kept saying no but she kept asking. She then called in a different doctor. The nurse started stroking my head and trying to sooth me which just made me more nervous.

As I was in a local Dubai hospital my husband wasn’t allowed in the room – so I felt pretty alone and scared.

When she had finished I was helped down from the bed like I was a piece of fragile glass. I was even helped to sit down in a chair. My husband was called into the room.

• It was explained that I had a 10cm mass of internal bleeding.
• The doctor drew a picture of the uterus and tubes and then started scribbling with her black biro to highlight the area where the blood mass was.
• I was having an ectopic pregnancy.
• My fallopian tube had most likely ruptured.
• I needed surgery immediately.
• I wasn’t allowed to walk – I could only be transported on a hospital bed.

But I couldn’t have surgery immediately as I’m allergic to anaesthetic. I have Malignant Hyperpyrexia which is a rare condition where I am allergic to most general anaesthetics. It is a fatal condition.

When I announced this – it was the doctor’s turn to panic.

I was taken to a ward and put into bed.

About 30 minutes later I was told that their specialist anaesthetist had been called (he was on annual leave) and would perform the surgery the next day. Until then I was on restricted food – incase I needed emergency surgery – and kept under surveillance.

Calling my parents was terrible. I may be in my thirties, but being away from home and having to talk about things like this is awful. My mum is very hard of hearing so couldn’t understand much of what I was saying which made it even worse.

I couldn’t stop crying.

The operating theatre was cleaned and all traces of general anesthetic that I am allergic to was removed.

I was given an epidural and a catheter was inserted.

I was in a total panic by this point. I was convinced I could feel the surgeon cutting into me and I was panicking as my arms were being held down.

After the operation the surgeon came to talk to us.

• She said she had to physically scoop handfuls of blood out from me.
• She said My fallopian tube was so badly damaged that she had to remove it.
• She said the other fallopian didn’t look that great
• She gave us the number for a recommended IVF clinic*

This is a photo of the sketch that the surgeon drew when she was explaining the above:

I stayed in hospital for six days. I was very ill and incredibly depressed. It still upsets me to remember back to how low I was feeling. Losing a baby, even when it is just weeks old, has a huge effect on a mother.

One night, after Husband S left, I was inconsolable. I was in so much pain and couldn’t stop crying. I wanted everything to just stop. There was an Indian lady in the bed next to me. Her mum was with her. Her mum came into my area and got on my bed. She massaged my legs and arms and comforted me. She got into my bed and just stroked and massaged me. I couldn’t stop crying but she wasn’t phased or embarrassed by that. She just kept comforting me until I fell asleep. The nurse the next day said she spent two hours with me.

That’s the wonderful thing about women and mums. We are natural nurturers and carers. It didn’t matter that I didn’t know this lady. We didn’t speak any words to each other. She gave me exactly what I needed at the time. Comfort and care without agenda.

My ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage is the most emotional and physically painful experience I have encountered to date. To say it was a harrowing struggle is not an exaggeration by any stretch of the means.

I had post natal depression. But I didn’t have a baby to lighten the dark days.

I know that the terrible experience myself and Husband S faced back in 2011 has certainly made us stronger. Both him and many of my friends were wonderful. From home cooked dinners to straws and baby wipes in the hospital. I am thankful for all the efforts that everyone made.

We love and adore Baby O so much. More than words can ever say. I was so lucky to get pregnant and I will appreciate that every day.

xxx

* We actually conceived Baby O naturally – it was a lovely surprise. He’s our perfect little miracle

I am a firm believer in working hard and playing hard. The “playing hard” has changed in definition over the last few years. What used to be trying out new bars and dancing until 3:00am has now changed to staying at hotels in the UAE area and having a great massage!

The Hyatt Capital Gate is tailored for the business traveller, but I have to say it came up tops for our family stay-cation too.

When we checked in at the hotel, the receptionist wasn’t even slightly phased at Baby O trying to crawl all over the desk and also grab the laptop. If she was smiling through gritted teeth I honestly didn’t notice.

We were lucky enough to get an upgrade and the room was GORGEOUS.

Here’s Baby O taking full advantage of the large plush bed!

The pool area is stunning and views of Abu Dhabi are great. The life guard was very helpful with setting up an area for Baby O to chill in the shade.

The pool temperature is good, as right now it isn’t chilled. Some of the pools at hotels can upset O as they’re freezy! There is an area at the end of the pool that has a seating area and a very shallow area – making it easy to splash around with a baby and let him crawl on his front.

The hotel supplied a comfy travel cot and a pack of baby toiletries. I’ve never received anything like that before. The pack included Johnson & Johnson shampoo, top to toe wash, talc and moisturiser as well as slippers and a sponge. Very thoughtful!

If you live in the UAE, I really have to insist that you try 18 Degrees – the Hyatt’s signature restaurant. I have been lucky to lunch there a few times. The dinner we both had was first class. I had the king prawns and Husband S the lamb… all cooked and prepared to perfection.

We also both took full advantage of the Rayana Spa and both had a full body massage. My mind is always functioning at a million miles an hour, but my masseuse managed to relax me – which is a very rare feat I can tell you!

So there you have it… if you’re looking at booking a family friendly hotel then I would definitely recommend the Hyatt Capital Gate. We all had a wonderful time

There seems to be an unwritten rule whereby some people feel they have the right to be, and lets be frank about this, RUDE.

Being a mum is hard work. Being a working mum is hard work too – but you also have to deal with judgement and questions regarding your parental choices from others.

Below is what has honestly been said to me. Some people are my friends who have made comments… please think before you speak in future

“It’s going to be even harder letting someone else raise your child when you go to work”
I’ll explain this one. My mum came and stayed for three weeks as soon as I had Baby O. I spoke to my dad on the phone on the eve of my mum flying back to England and I said it’s going to be hard when mum goes. His reply was: “It’s going to be even harder letting someone else raise your child when you go to work.”

I’m not sure if he realised how much it hurt or affected me. I have tears in my eyes as I type this now.

“Your nanny spends more time with your baby than you do”
This was said to me last December at a Wedding in England. I won’t embarrass the person who said it to me. I hope she didn’t intentionally mean to be so blunt and judgemental.

No I’m not with my baby 100 per cent of the time, but it’s still me who did all the night feeds, comforts him when he’s teething, makes his doctors appointments and takes him there, baths him every day, chooses all his outfits and buys all his outfits (!) decides when to wean him and what food to give him.

I leave work as soon as I can and spend the entire weekend with him. You get the picture right?

“Do you trust your nanny? You should get nanny cam”
If I didn’t trust my nanny I would have changed her. Don’t question my judgement. I leave the most important part of me with someone everyday. Of course I trust her.

“I couldn’t have gone back to work so early”
I have lost count the amount of times this has been said to me.

A – if you needed to you “could” have
B – if you wanted to you “could” have

“I would use having a baby as an excuse to never go back to work…”
I literally have no words to respond to this one. Ok I do. That’s because you obviously get no sense of fulfilment in what you currently do and you think having a baby with satisfy you completely.

Sorry – that was a bit ranty!

“You look exhausted”
My male work colleagues most often say this little beauty. I would love LOVE for them to take on in a day what working mums do and see how they look!

“I’m sorry but I don’t agree that you have come back to work so early”
This was said to me again by a male colleague. I didn’t realise I had asked his permission or for his agreement!

“I don’t know how you do it. It must be so hard.”
Yes it is hard. But it’s hard being a parent full stop. I do it because I WANT to. Some people find it hard to comprehend that I want and like my life as busy as it is. Baby O is a part of me – but he’s not my whole life. It’s wonderfully rewarding and (right now) I’m managing to balance work and home life.

The following haven’t been said to me, but I have read a number of articles that reference them. Do you recognise any of them?

• Aren’t you concerned about not being there for your kids?
• At least you treasure every minute you have with your baby
• Can’t you afford to stay home?
• Do you really have to work?
• Don’t you worry you’re missing out?
• I could never let someone else raise my children.
• You must feel so guilty.
• I’d give anything to get away from my kids for an entire day.
• I’d miss my child too much to be away from him all day.
• The problem with this country today is that not enough mums are home raising their children.
• Why did you have kids only to let someone else raise them?
• There’s always time to work later, these early years are so precious.
• I’m surprised you went back to work. Your husband seems so successful.
• It must be hard missing all those special moments every day.
• I suppose it’s smart that you’re working. You know, in case your husband leaves you some day.
• Why have kids if someone else is going to take care of them?
• Women should be at home with their children.
• We made the financial sacrifices so that I could stay home.When are you ever home?

Please feel free to comment and add your own experiences!

For anyone who suggests that working women aren’t committed take a look at the below. My routine is probably very similar to any other mum but it is a wonder to me how I manage to get to work on time, dressed smartly and without baby excrement on me anywhere!

It all begins with my husband’s alarm going off. He gets washed, dressed, fed and leaves the house.

What happens next is the morning jig that sees me miraculously grow another pair of arms and juggle and spin mores plates in the air that the Chinese State Circus…

• Shower
• Get Baby O out of cot
• Change nappy
• Undress and wash him
• Play
• Prop him up in middle of bed to watch me get ready
• Blow dry hair
• Prop him back up from falling to the side
• Do my (much needed) make-up
• Feed him
• Check work emails (during the bottle feed)
• Burp him
• Hold him down to squirt decongestant up his nose
• Use that nose syringe thing to get all the mucus out (it’s a glam job being a mum)
• Dress him
• Dress me
• Undress him and change dirty nappy
• Feed me
• Clean teeth
• Take us both downstairs with spare bibs, clothes etc
• Get his bottles ready for the day
• Put out his food, bowl etc
• Talk to nanny
• Out the door

Now that may seem a lot, but if all goes to plan it can be pretty smooth EXCEPT WHEN Baby O….

• Wees on your hairbrush that is laying on the bed and he’s having a bit of nappy off time
• Wees on you and your work outfit when you lean over to give him a kiss and he’s having a bit of nappy off time
• Is sick down back of work outfit when carrying him downstairs
• Dribbles down back of work outfit when carrying him downstairs
• Gets his dribbly fingers tangled up in freshly washed, brushed hair

And the additional breastfeeding gems:

• Refusing to feed all morning and no time to express, which meant painful boobs all day at work
• Refusing to feed all morning until I was dressed and ready to walk out the door, then deciding he was starving!

It’s a working day for me again tomorrow. Wish me luck!