The very real stuff

Oliver feet

Ok so this blog isn’t specifically about being a working mum, nor does it provide any tips about how to juggle being a mum, a wife and a working-woman. It does however talk about the real side of pregnancy and those “niceties” that occur after having a baby. It’s the stuff that the books seem to shy away from.

If you are squeamish, my father-in-law, or a male colleague of mine, please look away now. Close down this blog and go and do something else. You are not welcome here!

When pregnant
Forget that “glow” that you so often read about or see celebrities having. The reality, particularly in your last trimester, is:

  • Pains under your armpits (like you’ve pulled a muscle) where the milk ducts are getting blocked
  • An increase in wobbly bits and cellulite
  • Weeing yourself when you sneeze /cough /laugh
  • Constipation… enough said
  • Flatulence… again, enough said
  • Swollen feet that look like monster feet
  • Swollen hands – you may need to remove wedding ring
  • Finding it hard to get comfortable in ANY position when in bed
  • Sex… see note above
  • Too exhausted to do anything in the evenings or at the weekend – particularly if you’re still at work
  • Hot flushes – I was at my most pregnant during the hot UAE summer which wasn’t ideal!
  • People thinking its perfectly ok to say to you – WOW you are MASSIVE
  • The bump rubbers… those people who think it’s ok to randomly stroke your bump

All of the above is a breeze for what is about to come next!

After having a baby

  • Bleeding. You may have not had a period for nine months, but boy does your body make up for it. It’s like something out of a horror scene and continues for weeks.
  • Maternity pads. See above for reason for why. There is no way you cannot walk like John Wayne with these in your knickers
  • Solid, painful, lumpy boobs. Apparently you get this whether you breast feed or not.
  • Solid, painful, lumpy boobs when you go more than four hours without breastfeeding. Not ideal if, like me, you go back to work when still b-feeding.
  • Expressing. This is one of the most unglamorous things you’ll ever do – bar the next comment below.
  • Expressing at work… enough said. This is one of the most unglamorous things you’ll ever do – bar the next comment below.
  • Having to self express at work because you’ve forgotten your express machine and your boobs feel like they’re about to explode.
  • Leaky boobs. Forget to wear your breast-pads and you’re done for.
  • Self esteem issues. Be prepared to feel awful in everything you wear and generally just feel awful about yourself
  • Crying. Lots and lots of crying. I literally cried at anything the first two weeks. Sometimes just looking at baby O made me cry!
  • Hair loss. This might happen straight away or, like me, a few months after. Clumps and clumps fall out.
  • Burning lady parts. I had a c-section, but my friend told me she had to pour water over her bits to pee as it hurt so much!
  • Soreness from c-section. Laughing, coughing, sneezing cause extreme pain!
  • Unexpected guests. People turning up at your house unannounced to see the baby when you’re covered in sick, haven’t washed your hair (or washed in general) and in the middle of a feed
  • Nappy surprises. Having to deal with a leaky nappy and/or being pooed and weed on at the same time during a nappy change.
  • And finally… BABY BRAIN. This has probably had the biggest negative affect on me. I returned to work after eight weeks and used to be SO frustrated about my failing and forgetful brain! Luckily and thankfully it seems to be getting better!

I think that’ll do! Obviously there are the amazing parts to being pregnant and having babies. But you can read that in any pregnancy book!

PS – feature photo is of my gorgeous Baby O’s feet :) xx

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Categories: Mum, Working Mum

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One Comment on “The very real stuff”

  1. March 21, 2013 at 8:35 am #

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